come fly with me

during the last two weeks:

• uhhh. i had a canvassing job for 6 days. and then got fired for not making quota. it kinda sucked, but i also learned a hell of a lot and met some great people and got to raise some money for the Planned Parenthood Action Fund, a cause that actually sparks my passion/touches my heart
• i smoked a lot and watched a lot of criminal minds
• i watched all of the harry potter movies and thoroughly enjoyed them
• started the long process of getting my shit together to start selling my baked goods.
• baked over 100 cupcakes and sold most of them
• 
  learned that googling cupcakes apparently turns up a picture of me, which is in turns: ridiculous, hilarious, and appropriate
• my parents have started making noises about me moving back to southern california, since i haven’t gotten my shit together~ (which, for my dad, means that i won’t consider joining the military or working for the government. for my mom, it means that i haven’t gotten rid of my beard or taken out my nose ring)
• applied for a handful of jobs that i haven’t so much as heard back from
• got into a dramatic disagreement with my mother about my beard. she cried. and, since i hadn’t witnessed my mom drop some tears since her grandmother’s funeral back in 2001, i lost my shit and was pretty much bawling for two hours after she hung up. we have since pretended it didn’t happen.
• spent the night in my lover’s tent. where she lives. we smoked out of a socket wrench. it was awesome.
• i missed tumblr. a lot. let’s not part again, ok?

• tacos!!!
• fries
• hash browns
• granma’s monkey bread
• granma’s macaroni and cheese
• crunchy veggie sushi rolls
• pie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
• veggie burgers (but none of this whole wheat bread and sprouts shit. i’m talking a fucking burger, with ketchup and pickles and lettuce and regular ass buns, with a well-cooked veggie patty that isn’t mushy and disgusting. is this too much to ask???)
• waffles
• pancakes

considering the fact that i’m not doing shit today other than laying about, reading, tumblin, and watchin criminal minds, i figured i’d save you from absolute boredom by describing yesterday instead.

• woke up at marco’s place in the morning. talked shit for a little while then hopped on my bike to head home. 
• when i got home, sarah was playin music and drinkin coffee and getting ready for dyke march! but i had to tumbl just a little bit, because i was still feeling all shaken up about the news involving mia
• turned up some phat tunes, jumped in the shower, washed my ass
• dried off, walked about naked just because i can. sarah is pretty much used to this
• put on: black underwear, torn fishnet tights, black booty shorts, studded rainbow belt, thigh-high rainbow socks, black vest, bedazzled rainbow bandanna, and beat up old chucks with rainbow shoelaces.
• i don’t have pics of this. sorry. but i looked gr8!
• made sure my fro was even, because an unintentionally lopsided fro is not on. and nonblack people won’t even tell you if it’s lookin funky/raggedy!!! come on, people. that shit ain’t cute.
• walked with sarah to the bart station, discussing the implications of the idea that beyonce represents powerful womynhood: on the one hand, she’s got success all over the fuckin place and exerts divahood, a take-no-shit mentality, and she looks fabulous while doing so! but on the other hand, if she ever decided she actually had something real to say on her music (or at all, ever), that success would be gone in a blink. not to mention the helllllaaaaa problematic ideals of black patriarchal (heteronormative) relationships running rampant through her (contradictory at best) lyrics. yet at the same time, put that shit on, and we will dance. nonstop. and channel that diva energy because in all honesty, sometimes beyonce is the best we can do. (as much as it pains me to say)
• waited for the train with sarah, rode the train with sarah, discussing our lovelives (or, more accurately, her lovelife and my sexual possibilities).
• walked to michelle’s house! ate pasta and hung out with juliana and lupe and michelle and jason and emily and stephanie and ami and sarah before heading out to dolores park
• did i mention what sarah was wearing?
• 
• went to the park! where all the beautiful people were. and i’m gonna be real: i fucking love dyke march. it’s one of my favorite days of the year. it’s like the only time you really get to see the diversity of lesbian/bisexual/pansexual/queer womyn and it’s so goddamn beautiful.
• i don’t have any pics. i was busy being high and coloring(!! because lupe brought coloring books and crayons and evern let me color in a seahorse!!) and looking around and repeating again and again how much i fucking love lesbians.
• because goddamn do i love lesbians.
• stood in line for the bathroom for an hour. this is not hyperbole.
• smoked a buncha weed. because that’s what i do.
• 
• put on my damn sweater because i was freezing my nipple rings off.
• lobbied for the group to go get sushi! and eventually convinced sarah and toni to come with. asparagus rolls for the mufuckin win, g.
• decided to go home. see, i have been looking forward to gaypocalypse for weeks! 5 of the moast awesome queer dance parties in the bay collaborated to make one huge dyke march afterparty, and it was probably off the fuckin hook, BUT
• i was fucking exhausted. like, megatired. and as much as i love queers, we had spent sufficient time together. now was time to take care of me, so i rolled home to be in my bed.
• got in my bed. =) =) =)
• smoked another bowl, watched an ep of criminal minds, masturbated and went to sleep.

i know. that was too much excitement for you to handle. try and calm yourself now.

1. hash browns
2. chips (kettle brand salt n pepper!!! when i can afford it =/)
3. fries (spiced, garlic, crinkle, curly, cheese, w/ veggie chili, don’t care!)
4. popcorn
5. …a brownie in a mug. ;___; i can’t stop eating this!

1. pet peeve lists
2. the phrase “pet peeve”

so instead i’m gonna list 10 things that are awesome

1. warm sunny weather
2. rose gardens
3. Midnight Robber by Nalo Hopkinson (i fuckin love this book! and am super interested in ooking more into womyn of color sci-fi! fascinating)
4. a brownie in a mug ;_;
5. ice cream sandwiches!
6. dr. spencer reid
7. not wearing pants
8. friends you can share your ridiculous cliched dreams with
9. hash browns
10. the fact that pride is only a week away!

aw shit son! idk if i’ll be able to keep it down to 5 qualities, but i can try??

well there’s my bffl chloe. she lives so far away and we rarely get to talk. i miss her all the time. =( =( BUT!

1. she’s fucking hilarious
2. she’s not afraid to be a fucking weirdo, like me
3. she’s really fucking smart and is always critical of shit
4. she’s got the most adorable little giggle (that i mock, of course)
5. she’s got so much fucking heart
6. she’s strong! and so supportive
7. she’s got a banana coming out of her pants
8. she loves tattoos and piercings even more than i do. which is to say, she thoroughly enjoys the process.
9. we snuck flasks into gender and womyn’s studies grad, just cuz
10. we were like the only people on the grad committee because no one else had any fucks left to give. (which is to say, she and i made all the decisions because we’re badasses. we got angela mufuckin davis to come!!)

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and there’s cami (@inappy)! this photo is all distorted lol but i love it anyway. esp. with liam lookin like a straightup demon in the background lmfao

1. we freak out over shit together all the time! most people i know don’t get as excited as i do about shit, and i love that cami is not afraid to geek out hardcore
2. we are cancer buddies
3. she’s got the biggest most awesome laugh. she hates it, but when cami is amused everyone knows and i love the sound of her happiness
4. man she’s straightup amazing. she’s got crazy potential and i know once certain things stop holding her back she’s going to make. shit. happen.
5. she was one of the first people i came out to!!!!!!!!!! (dude, 10th grade, nutrition. amanda goes, “well i ain’t exactly straight” and cami goes “dude me neither” and i go “DUDE ME NEITHER” …paraphrasing of course. i don’t actually remember much of high school at all, lolskies)
6. she doesn’t compromise on her opinions/beliefs/identity. if you’re not down with cami, pretty much fuck you. (as it should be)
7. we have SO MANY awesome memories~~ hokeypokey, macarena, pancakes, funfetti cake, knitting club, projekt rev 2007!! following around that dude paco liked, following john around, being generally creepy together, sitting in the aisles of bookstores, freakin out over yaoi manga, that one fateful time we tried to communally write fic with domo lmfao, gay dance lines at winter formal and prom and my dad’s house, wandering around downtown, our first prides, that time we took a million buses and trains trying to see brokeback mountain, goddamn so much more ;______;

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there’s my boo liam. i call this photo 5 years of awesome, but that is something of a misnomer because we’ve been friends ~7 years.

1. cuz it literally ain’t a party unless liam and i have humped, made out, swapped clothes, or combinations thereof.
2. he once thought we were in mario kart and threw a pumpkin at me. (no, rly)
3. he thinks the dreamworks kid is a vampire. (go ahead, ask for an explanation)
4. we are straightup weirdos together
5. he is totally trustworthy
6. he’s supportive 
7. i can share a bed with him and sleep totally comfortably
8. he’s really nice and super genuine
9. he’s crazy dependable

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my roomie sarah!

1. she’s a diva
2. we are ridiculous together
3. we are also really cool together
4. we are total beezies together
5. she’s incredibly smart and always ready to be critical of shit
6. she literally always wants to know how my day was
7. she’s got great style
8. she’s hella real about growing as a person and things she still needs to learn
9. she gets really excited about shit and is excited by proxy when i’m excited
10. she’s incredibly supportive and a really good listener
11. best roomie everrr!

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and then there’s darbrielle (right)

1. i have shared THE MOST info with darbrielle. she knows shit i’ve never so much as whispered to another sentient being, and she 1) has kept that shit to herself, and 2) is still my friend. these are things i do not take lightly
2. she’s fucking hilarious
3. she is hella emotionally intense and passionate
4. she ~understands me
5. she’s got this great creative mind
6. she is literally the only person i share porn with
7. i trust her. with all the shit i’ve told her for the first time, and all the stuff i did with her for the first time (wank wank)
8. she listens. like legitimately listens. the importance of this cannot be overstated.
9. she’s crazy curvy and sexy

((a sidenote about that chick in the photo with darbrielle? lex and i have been homies since the seventh fucking grade and we still cool. i fuckin love her ass))

physical
1. my cunt!
2. my smile =D
3. the odd way i dance (is this a physical quality?)
4. my hair
5. my long limbs! i can reach all kindsa shit without even getting up! /lazy

non-physical
1. my queerness!
2. my tendency to overanalyze/theorize all things
3. my taste in friends!
4. my affectionate disposition
5. my childlike enthusiasm

• summer sanitarium 2003 - linkin park and the deftones. (i mean, limp bizkit and metallica were headlinging, but we didn’t stay for them)
• meteora world tour 2004 - linkin park, POD, hoobastank, story of the year
• projekt revolution 2004 - linkin park, korn, and snoop dogg. amazing show. it was great to see a band that had been touring for over 10 years and had such great presence as korn. also, it was great to watch people dancing to snoop dogg and then stay to rock out during korn. aaaaand i won the tickets to this show on kroq; the one and only time i’ve tried to win something on the radio.
• HIM, some metal/raggae band that was actually good but whose name i cannot recall, and yellowcard
• music for relief benefit show 2005(?) - no doubt, linkin park & jay-z, story of the year, jurassic 5. (rob zombie was headlining but we didn’t stay for that. also, blink-182 was supposed to be there, but they split up like the day of this show, so.) [also, chali 2na from j-5 came on stage during lp’s set to do the forgotten remix!! it was a fuckin dream come true]
• projekt revolution 2007 - linkin park, my chemical romance, taking back sunday, HIM, placebo. ((HIM, mychem, and lp all at the same show?? i felt like this was literally the best thing that had happened to me in life at the time. although ville valo was fucking wasted and their set sucked pretty badly. but placebo was gr8 and we had gr8 nachos and mychem was phenomenal AND frank and gerard kissed on stage and i felt like i had literally watched linkin park grow as performers and during the harmonizing on The Little Things Give You Away i felt like i was having a fucking out of body experience and like chester’s soul was literally seeping into me and i felt like my arms were going to fall off from clapping so hard during bleed it out and and and!!!!!!!! it was the fucking best. ever.))
• the young veins and bad rabbits 2010. this was fun! bad rabbits are great. i got to hang out with awesome people, and i got to fangirl over ryanross with my bff chloe. awesome.

and i haven’t been to a big show since. i’m hoping to hit the honda civic tour (blink and mychem!1) when it swings by in october, but who knows what will happen before then~

i’m pretty sure i will never love anything or anyone as much as i loved linkin park in my younger years*

*i may or may not be wearing an lp hoodie as i type this.

1. yesterday i watched the movie Twitches for the first time in years. it was pretty gr8. only thing: i thought the name meant Teen + Witches, but in the movie they are 21 years old. …i guess witches in their twenties just didn’t have the same ring to it.
2. i may or may not be kinda baked right now
3. screwing up recipes really badly is always really irritating for me. but one day, i will totally be able to make my mom’s stuffed bell peppers (with fake meat, of course) without screwing up the bell peppers OR the rice. i’m determined.
4. cooking brings me a lot of joy.
5. but baking brings me more joy. =D making cookies tomorrow with katie!
6. my birthday is in 20 days! i have always loved birthdays, but every other year i get sad and insecure and don’t have a party because i think no one will come. hopefully this cycle will break soon because parties in my honor are the best! (i am narcisssistc. yes.)
7. this year i am having a fruit party. it’s going to be the shit.
8. writing coverletters feels like scraping my soul with sandpaper. i half just want a job so that i don’t have to deal with the bs of the job market anymore. (the other half is just wanting to pay my rent so i don’t have to move back to southern california.. i really love living here.)
9. that said, i am applying for an awesome position at a center for domestic violence services/advocacy. you know, something where my gender and womyn’s studies degree might actually mean something. and i’d be doing great work! and womyn of color and lgbtq are strongly encouraged to apply! so that’s exciting. =D
10. climbing the hill/stairs home is such an ordeal that i always feel really victorious afterward. i always want to like take off my clothes and do a naked victory lap through the apartment. (and when sarah’s not home i pretty much do)
11. i really, really love living in oakland. (and i really love living with sarah.)
12. i am definitely going to go watch two more episodes of parks and recreation when i am done with this
13. i am currently reading Nalo Hopkinson’s Midnight Robber for the awesome ladies bookclub that i am in. the book is incredibly interesting, and i’m not just saying that because i picked it.
14. pancakes are the best option, always. unless waffles are a possibility. then the answer is always waffles.
15. i haven’t stopped rereading this. ah!
    

    “So now is the time, this time of confusion and brokenness and fear and sadness, to get up on that fear, ride it down to the river, dip into the waves, and let yourself break. Become a prism.

    All the places where you’ve shattered can now reflect light and colour where there was none. Now is the time to become something new, to choose a new whole.”