hay cancer hayyy!

so, the thing is, i see astrology as an interesting lens through which to analyze patterns in my life. i like to think about my relationships to different virgos in my life. i like to think about how i tend to connect really well with geminis. i notice how much i love fellow cancers and feel the need to care for them as emotional beings. these are things i find amusing and interesting.

but, as fascinating as i find astrology, i do not live by it as law. i do not rule out relationships because of the day/time/location a person was born. some people are very strict about these things, but i’ve learned that there is no better compass for any given situation than my own gut feelings.

that said! i am stereotypically cancer in no less than a thousand ways. i’m a straightup homebody; there is literally nothing better than walking into my house, taking off my pants, and being at home. i love cooking and baking. i love feeding people. i can be a bit of a momma bear - hella protective of my loves. and maybe i’m a lil clingy. or a lot. i’ve got a LOT of feelings at any given moment, and the next moment i will likely be feeling a lot of other feelings. i’m susceptible to sadness/melancholy at all times, and i feel people’s energies. i’m hesitant in all situations, and need to get a feel for people/moods/situations before acting or speaking.

(source)

i often think of myself through the metaphor of the crab. hard shell on the outside, hesitant, mushy insides which are highly treasured~~ all me. and these pinchers? are not just for show. i might not kill you, but this shit will fucking hurt. holla!

also, my rising sign is leo and my moon is capricon. i’m so complex~

sooo i’m just gonna use characters from tv shows that i obsessively watch.

1. dr. spancer reid. criminal minds. no justification, or anything. i just have a thing for skinny nerdy white boys. go ahead and judge me =(
2. carmen. the l word (look, i know she’s not mexicana or even latina AT ALL and can’t speak spanish very well and is a little bit of a stereotype in every way. but i also know that she is gorgeous and a compelling, sexy, interesting character. and if she existed i would be in absolute love with her.)
3. papi. the l word. because, come on. too much swag to be real.
4. jane lane! daria. i mean, i basically wanna be jane lane. and i think that is sometimes very apparent.
5. emily prentiss. criminal minds. see, it took me quite a while to like emily. she kinda needs to grow on you. one day, i was pointedly ignoring her, and the next day i was like “emily prentiss, you’re a badass beezy. look at you, takin no shit, from suspects, from unsubs, from your team, not even from your superiors! you’re pretty much the shit, aren’t you?” i wanna be her.
6. ian gallagher. shameless (us). oh geez he’s so adorable! and his gay angst! and his hood wisdom! and his bromance with his actual brother! his dramatic/secret/scandalous sex/romantic life! gah, he’s the best. heart eyes whenever he’s on screen. real talk.
7. penelope garcia. criminal minds. she’s big and beautiful and funny and hella smart and hella emotional and eccentric as fuck. not only that, but the other characters love and respect all of these things. also, i can’t think of any other recent shows/movies that feature a big main character that isn’t just a skinny person in fatsuit. penelope garcia, i would love you even if you weren’t as awesome as you are.
8. leslie knope. parks and recreation. she’s the best, y’all. she’s quirky and silly and a powerful, determined, hardworking womyn. she’s unapologetically feminist and can’t even imagine why someone would apologize for something like that. she takes rules, guidelines and regulations really seriously but also listens to her own moral compass and will happily break the rules if it means a bunch of kids will get to see freddy spaghetti do a concert. (btw, freddy spaghetti was terribly, terribly clever. i hella lolled)

…that’s it. =|

1. tattoos and piercings
2. really intense kissing
3. lite to moderate bondage
4. lite to moderate biting
5. lite to moderate spanking/flogging
6. dry humping (or not-so-dry humping if you know what i mean. and i think you do)
7. half-clothed sex
8. pegging!(!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
9. badass and/or sexy high-heeled boots
10. black latex gloves (hay safer sex hayyy)
11. darbrielle’s boobs

i wanted really, really badly to caption it “there’s nothing wrong with a little rimming between friends” but it’s kindof an inside joke that maybe wasn’t terribly clever in the first place. woe~

still a gr8 photo though

tumblr, i started answering this prompt and things were going gr8! until i realized that i had written over a thousand words and wasn’t even close to done. i’m just gonna have to skip the herstory of my relationship with my body (and my blackness, because there is no way to talk about one without discussing the other).

i’m just going to say that i don’t shave and i don’t straighten my hair and when it’s time for makeup i only ever bother with eyeliner. i’m really thin and it’s taken me a really long time to be okay with that (and, by relation, that i do not and may never have the thick/curvy body that i’ve been made to believe i “should” have). i have a goatee and kinda smallish tits. i’m kinda long and gangly at times (which enables me to do all kindsa lazy shit like turn off the floor lamp without getting up off the couch, grabbing things from the top shelves without having to climb on anything, and just generally grabbing shit without having to move very much). i’ve got broad shoulders and long hands/fingers. i’ve got a fucking lot of body hair. and i’ve got a luscious cunt with generous lips and a fatass clit, surrounded by a lot of awesome protective/decorative hair. i sweat all the time, my ass is kinda flat, and i have awesomely big feet.

and i fucking love my body.

i did not always think these things were awesome. i used to be pretty upset when people misread me as a dude/trans woman. i used to overeat because all i wanted was to have a bigger ass/thicker hips. i used to waste between 4 and 7 hours of my life every 3 weeks, getting my hair washed, pressed and curled. i used to hate the way my cunt looks, and be really afraid/preemptively embarrassed of someone actually seeing it. i used to shave my stomach, because straightup strangers would give me shit about it. and really, let’s not get into internalized racism because we’d be here all day.

i used to be all about my clothes, because unlike my patterns of speech and my body itself, i could control the message they sent. of course, the message they sent was usually mostly ‘fuck you’ with a side each of ‘don’t fuck with me’ and ‘i don’t give a fuck’.

but, after a lot of reading and talking with other womyn (esp. through femsex and vagina monologues) about the issue and a lot of thinking and a lot of journaling and even some photojournaling, i changed. it was by no means sudden - indeed, this shit has taken like 4 years, overcoming issue by issue. sometimes i would that the journey to body acceptance/self-love never ends, that we will always have to be taking measures and countermeasures against body-negativity, from within and without. sometimes i would look in the mirror and feel surprisingly disgusted. shit, that happened not two months ago. i’m always fighting the bullshit, from my family, from people on the streets, from ~society~, from articles telling me new research shows that black womyn are x y and z, from the rude ass people at grocery outlet, from movies and commercials and most depressingly of all, from other black womyn.

there’s always bullshit, but my relationship with my body is pretty damn gr8 currently. when it’s hungry, it lets me know and i do my best to give it what it needs. when we’re tired, we rest. when we’re restless, we go out and about. and we dance and dance and dance at every opportunity. 

as for health? i try to eat vegetables regularly, but that’s not so easy. i don’t eat meat. i take a multivitamin and drink lots of water (gotta stay hydrated, holla!). i walk and bike pretty much everywhere i go - i actually enjoy walking most of all, but i bike to things that are farskies because it’s free. my diet’s very high in fiber, for which my digestive system shows its appreciation every day at 10am, like clockwork (whoops, overshare? ehhh idc). uhhh i haven’t been to yoga in months even though it makes me feel really great afterwards. aaaand that’s about it, dude, i eat way more sugar than is at all advisable and can literally sit on my ass in front of the computer without moving for like 4 hours (after that i have to get up, grab something to eat, and generally sit back down), and when i can afford it, i scarf down chippies and candies and popcorn like no other. i fucking love food, and the nurse practitioner that gave me my last physical says i’m doing pretty damn good, and i believe her.

tl;dr: me and my body? we coo. yesterday katie and i accidentally hiked to a nude beach full a naked beach hippies. my first reaction: i don’t have to wear my top! *fist pump*

• tacos!!!
• fries
• hash browns
• granma’s monkey bread
• granma’s macaroni and cheese
• crunchy veggie sushi rolls
• pie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
• veggie burgers (but none of this whole wheat bread and sprouts shit. i’m talking a fucking burger, with ketchup and pickles and lettuce and regular ass buns, with a well-cooked veggie patty that isn’t mushy and disgusting. is this too much to ask???)
• waffles
• pancakes

probably going to wear my purple pants with the floral members only jacket today =D

perfectly timed prompt is perfectly timed. =D

in 2008 my bday fell on pride. i didn’t really have any friends here, though, so i spent most of the day wandering around alone.

in 2009 i was in the dominican republic with my sister on my bday. we went on a bike ride, went horseback riding for the first time, and i got my first massage, holla! ((i also had a bday party in berkeley, as well as one in long beach. big things were poppin for my 21st birthday))

last year i didn’t get up to too much. went to spanish class in the morning, hung out at a ~nice park in the afternoon, then tried to make a gravity bong with two of my friends lol.

i struggled with writing this post yesterday. because the fact of the matter is that if you’ve been following me for more than a week, you already know how much i love womyn, baking, brendon urie’s face, my chemical romance, linkin park, my own face, fanfiction, my friends, and smokin weed. hell, i’ve even shared my favorite porn star; what more is there to discuss?

so i’ve decided that if you, followers, have a question about something i talk/post about all the time, you should drop a line in my ask. it can be anything i post about (or even something i notably don’t post about). don’t care. feel free to ask. =)

considering the fact that i’m not doing shit today other than laying about, reading, tumblin, and watchin criminal minds, i figured i’d save you from absolute boredom by describing yesterday instead.

• woke up at marco’s place in the morning. talked shit for a little while then hopped on my bike to head home. 
• when i got home, sarah was playin music and drinkin coffee and getting ready for dyke march! but i had to tumbl just a little bit, because i was still feeling all shaken up about the news involving mia
• turned up some phat tunes, jumped in the shower, washed my ass
• dried off, walked about naked just because i can. sarah is pretty much used to this
• put on: black underwear, torn fishnet tights, black booty shorts, studded rainbow belt, thigh-high rainbow socks, black vest, bedazzled rainbow bandanna, and beat up old chucks with rainbow shoelaces.
• i don’t have pics of this. sorry. but i looked gr8!
• made sure my fro was even, because an unintentionally lopsided fro is not on. and nonblack people won’t even tell you if it’s lookin funky/raggedy!!! come on, people. that shit ain’t cute.
• walked with sarah to the bart station, discussing the implications of the idea that beyonce represents powerful womynhood: on the one hand, she’s got success all over the fuckin place and exerts divahood, a take-no-shit mentality, and she looks fabulous while doing so! but on the other hand, if she ever decided she actually had something real to say on her music (or at all, ever), that success would be gone in a blink. not to mention the helllllaaaaa problematic ideals of black patriarchal (heteronormative) relationships running rampant through her (contradictory at best) lyrics. yet at the same time, put that shit on, and we will dance. nonstop. and channel that diva energy because in all honesty, sometimes beyonce is the best we can do. (as much as it pains me to say)
• waited for the train with sarah, rode the train with sarah, discussing our lovelives (or, more accurately, her lovelife and my sexual possibilities).
• walked to michelle’s house! ate pasta and hung out with juliana and lupe and michelle and jason and emily and stephanie and ami and sarah before heading out to dolores park
• did i mention what sarah was wearing?
• 
• went to the park! where all the beautiful people were. and i’m gonna be real: i fucking love dyke march. it’s one of my favorite days of the year. it’s like the only time you really get to see the diversity of lesbian/bisexual/pansexual/queer womyn and it’s so goddamn beautiful.
• i don’t have any pics. i was busy being high and coloring(!! because lupe brought coloring books and crayons and evern let me color in a seahorse!!) and looking around and repeating again and again how much i fucking love lesbians.
• because goddamn do i love lesbians.
• stood in line for the bathroom for an hour. this is not hyperbole.
• smoked a buncha weed. because that’s what i do.
• 
• put on my damn sweater because i was freezing my nipple rings off.
• lobbied for the group to go get sushi! and eventually convinced sarah and toni to come with. asparagus rolls for the mufuckin win, g.
• decided to go home. see, i have been looking forward to gaypocalypse for weeks! 5 of the moast awesome queer dance parties in the bay collaborated to make one huge dyke march afterparty, and it was probably off the fuckin hook, BUT
• i was fucking exhausted. like, megatired. and as much as i love queers, we had spent sufficient time together. now was time to take care of me, so i rolled home to be in my bed.
• got in my bed. =) =) =)
• smoked another bowl, watched an ep of criminal minds, masturbated and went to sleep.

i know. that was too much excitement for you to handle. try and calm yourself now.

1. hash browns
2. chips (kettle brand salt n pepper!!! when i can afford it =/)
3. fries (spiced, garlic, crinkle, curly, cheese, w/ veggie chili, don’t care!)
4. popcorn
5. …a brownie in a mug. ;___; i can’t stop eating this!

i would unquestionably be the fabulous sylvester.